Dream Journal 2/16

Boy…having guests really threw me right off track. Not only have the arrows disappeared (what few there were), but I’m having a really difficult time remembering dreams. I do remember one from last night, but I know there were more.

I was part of some kind of conspiracy. It was set in a high school. I was student aged, but I think I had been teaching classes. It was the end of the semester. I’m not sure who my co-conspirators were, but one of them might have been J from work. At one point I saw two guys and I realized I was meant to be hiding from them because they thought I was dead. One of them saw me and I ducked into a recessed doorway where three other guys were hanging out. I asked them if they guys were coming this way. They said no, but that one of them had looked back with a strange look on his face. I had to meet up with the others who were involved and we were supposed to be hiding out until the plan could be executed. I thought of all the little nooks in the school where people could hide. There was a place in the wall that could hold several people, but when we got there I remembered I’d put a bunch of wet towels and blankets in there, so there was no room. Then I thought of another little room that one needed a kind of magickal concentration to enter. I wasn’t sure my cohorts could do it, but I figured it was our best bet. Suddenly I was with another girl. She was involved, but I don’t know who she was. We went to the place where I wanted us to hide, but when we got inside, we were in a plane with J and who must have been our leader. She was an older woman. There were pastries on a tray and the plane was decked out in nice furniture and decorations. We were already in the air. J asked what had taken us so long. We were to eat the pastries for breakfast. I split a cupcake with our leader, but we both agreed the cupcake was a poor breakfast. I chose another pastry to share with her–a muffin made with whole grains. At one point I realized we were flying over Antarctica, because a display in the table said that we were. Then suddenly we were landing on a street in a neighborhood packed on each side by very rich looking townhouses. The street was covered with ice and slush. We realized the plane had been on auto-land. Someone asked what we should do, and I asked if the plane had an auto-take off feature. The leader said yes. I asked if we should use it and they all shouted, “NO” at me. I wasn’t sure why we shouldn’t except that the road wasn’t straight, which I realized could be a problem. And that’s all I remember.

I know that I had another dream about tea that might have taken place in a restaurant. But that’s about it.

Dream Journal 2/15

Dreams are extremely hazy again. I know there was one where I was riding around in a carriage. It was a different kind of world–very colorful and fake looking. I believe I was trying to find my paramour, but I’m not quite sure. I seemed to be taking the same route over and over.

Another was a pizza dream. I was working in a pizza place, but with my coworkers from my current job. I didn’t have the proper tools for doing my job. For example, tool I was supposed to use to grip pizza pans and take them out of the oven didn’t actually grip anything. And there was not enough space to move the pizza pans from the oven to the table for cutting. The one pizza I managed to get on the table got smaller and smaller as I cut it and the cheese disappeared. I tried to salvage it, but it just got worse and worse until there was nothing left. I appealed to my boss to buy better equipment to no avail.

There was another, but I can’t remember much. I think I was with a group of people preparing to watch a big sporting event–something like the Superbowl, but a different sport. I know a lot happened in the dream, but I just can’t remember any of it.

Dream Journal 2/13

I had out of town guest for the weekend, and I guess I wore myself out because I didn’t remember dreams while they were here. Even last night’s dreams are extremely unclear. But I do remember bits and pieces. At one point I was taking some kind of new vehicle to work. It was like a bike sort of, very hard to remember/describe. I wasn’t sure I’d remember the way. Other people were riding with me and they were not very helpful. One was making fun of me for some reason. I had ooze coming out of my eyes and I couldn’t figure out why. They may have been making fun of me for that. Then I was somewhere setting up to sell things. I happened to have framed posters of Madonna and Siouxsie and other people. Other people had pictures too, but different ones. It may have been a convention of some kind. That’s really all I remember. Hopefully there will be more tomorrow.

Motionlessness, sitting up

Yesterday I tried my motionlessness sitting up. Usually I do it laying down, and I found it a bit more difficult to assume a relaxed position sitting up. I acheived six minutes, but I was interrupted, so I would have gone longer if I hadn’t been.

Sometimes when I do this exercise I feel like a prisoner in my own body. It’s quite maddening. The body really wants to move. And when I’m focused on not moving, I notice the movements the body makes on its own much more acutely. The face twitches, muscles in the fingers and legs twitch. Breath motion is much more significant than I’d thought. This exercise requires an extreme amount of discipline. It’s outragous to me how strong the impulse to scratch an itch can be, or how difficult it is to keep my tongue still. Still, I will perservere. The more I do it, the more I start to understand the purpose of it.

Alas, no arrows

No arrow last night. But I fell asleep watching Kung Fu so I didn’t meditate on it either. On the plus side, green arrows have taken on a new significance in my waking world. Everytime I see one I view it as a pathway to another sphere of consciousness. My eyes tend to linger on them a little longer. Perhaps this will help. I have guests coming into town this weekend, so I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to meditate before sleep, but I will be trying my best to keep up.

Dream Journal 2/8

I had two dreams, and I remember both only a litte. The first involved an alien that could take the shape of any person. This dream took place primarily in a high school setting but also included some work elements. I was with the alien, who had assumed the guise of one of the students. I’m not sure what became of the student he was imitating, but I didn’t have the feeling it was bad or at least, it wasn’t caused by the alien. I remember going to a few classes with him where some people seemed to know that there was something different about him, so he was ostricized to some extent. I think we were in love in the dream, although there weren’t any sexual encounters; just strong emotions. At some point, it became clear that some kind of authority figure was after him. At first I think it was just the principal of the school, but that escalated. They put us in this strange chamber and put us in manacles. The chamber was about five by five with a very low ceiling, so we had to sit. We were both aware, however, that there was a secret door in the floor that would take us out of the building via an underground tunnel. I was puzzled that the administration didn’t know about the passage, and I wasn’t sure why I knew about it, but our plan was to use it to escape. We needed to be careful though, because the door was electric and it took a little while to open. The walls to our chamber were clear, so we had to also do it while no one was looking, but also remain very quiet. Someone was in the chamber with us. They’d mistreated us earlier, but seemed to be helping at this point. I think it was a woman, but it may have alternated back and forth between being a woman and a man. She loaded a bunch of coffee shop supplies into the tunnel–a case of chocolate powder and a case of caramel bottles. It seemed like we would need these things in the dream. She got us out of our manacles and we went out the tunnel. We ended up in a parking lot where we stole the principal’s car, which we had the keys to. I told him we’d need to steal a different car because they would be looking for this one once they realized we’d taken it. We drove for awhile but then the cops found us. We pulled over and set off on foot, but soon there was a chopper after us, and artillery was firing on us. I was kind of shocked that they were firing on us because I’d been under the impression they wanted us alive. After evading a few explosions, they fired gas cannisters at us. Fleeing seemed so futile. The dream kind of faded out. I have no idea if we got caught.

The second dream was a weird family experience. I was with some of my younger brothers in a small stadium, which was our house. My step mother was somewhere lingering about. We had some pop tarts. But mostly there was some strange thing where I had to pee my pants in a puddle, but it was supposed to be undetectable to anyone. And also we were on the great lakes somehow. At one point I peed and left a puddle. I didn’t want my brothers to see it, but I didn’t know how to cover it up. Very strange.

The arrow is back

Well I saw the arrow last night, but my memory of it is vague and hazy. It was small this time, like the arrows on the dashboard for a turn signal. I remember wondering if it mattered what direction the arrow was pointing because it seemed to be pointing in both directions somehow. Seeing the arrow didn’t trigger lucidity, but it did make me think about the exercise of seeing the arrow. In fact, thinking about seeing the arrow in the dream is what brought it on. I also think this was a dream unto itself and not connected to any other, but I could be very wrong about that.

Having lucid dreams used to happen to me spontaneously when I was younger maybe four or five times a year. And with a little consciousness about it, I could usually slip into lucidity as I fell asleep. I wonder why it’s so much more difficult now, fifteen years later.

Dream Journal 2/6

Lately my dreams have been very fragmented and I seem to have many of them. I know I had a dream in which I was playing cards for $1000. I’m not sure who I was playing with. My grandfather was there I think. It was a game where you were dealt 11 cards and you could just switch out cards until you were happy with your hand. I had a royal straight to start so I didn’t take any cards. I was excited because I could use a thousand bucks. At the end I found out we were playing for chips, not money. I was pissed. I had an extreme amount of difficulty ordering my cards properly or even verifying that I had a straight. At a few points, I had eight through ace and then only nine through ace, but I couldn’t remember how many cards I needed for a straight. It was very frustrating. I ended up putting the cards in a little book, but even then they didn’t stay in order.

I also had a dream I was in a star wars shop and they were selling the cloth part of snowtrooper outfits. They were cool except for the fact that the material was terrible. They seemed to be made out of chintz. I wanted to buy one just to extrapolate the pattern and then return it. I also was able to try on boots and see how tall I’d be in them with lifts. I kept bumping my head on the ceiling and thinking I’d be taller than Vader and that would be no good.

Then I had a dream I was hanging out with P and some other people. The only thing I remember about that dream is that I put poker chips down the back of his shirt and he somehow got them to slide down his pants and he taunted that he was getting essence of butt on them.

As for the green arrow, I did see it, but it still isn’t triggering lucidity. This was easier when I was younger…

Here’s what I’m noticing

Success at motionlessness depends on when I do it at this point. If it’s after work and I’m a little tired I can lay motionless for 15min pretty easily. I become quickly relaxed. I don’t fall asleep, but if I laid there much longer I probably would. If I’m tense at all, it’s complete agony and so far, in that state, I haven’t topped eight minutes. Will keep plugging along.

Arrows. Deadly and not green

I did dream of arrows last night, but the kind you shoot things with. I manipulated them with much skill it seemed, but only once I had them on the bow. Before they were on the bow, I was awkward in handling them and getting them nocked. This is sort of how I feel about my green arrows. Tonight I am going to spend longer meditating on the arrow before sleep. Right now I’m just envisioning them as I drift off, but tonight I will go to bed twenty minutes early and take the time to really visualize the arrow. We will see what happens.