Dream Journal 3/5

I lost my dreams upon waking up this morning. I’m off my sleep schedule this weekend, and waking to an alarm, as I have done these past few days, tends to wipe them out. Getting back on schedule this week, so hopefully I won’t need the alarm very, very soon. At my favorite health website, www.mercola.com, Dr. Mercola discusses the way alarms can trigger the flight or fight response. This is definitely the case for me, as when I wake with an alarm, I usually get that bolt of energy and then spend the day fatigued and headachey once I come down. I had set myself up to wake early without an alarm, but got off schedule. Am working now to restore it.

Dream Journal 2/27

Well, we’re back in the bedroom, and I’m happy to say that while I don’t remember all my dreams I’m sure, I do remember more than I have been. Most of the scenes that I recall take place in and around a school, but I also had one that took place both at that school and at a coffee shop where I was working. I’m not sure of the order.

The school one started out with me and J from work doing laps outside. There was a track, but at one point the track went through a play area/obstacle course where runners had to navigate small doorways and compartments. Early in the dream the compartments and doorways were pretty large. One might only need to duck down a little to get through. At other points in the dream the doorways were more confining. I almost had to lay on the ground and wriggle through. After a lap or two, I was wriggling through a small enclosure, wondering if I could actually make it out the other side. I heard an announcement over the loud speaker that someone in my class had had a psychotic break. After it was over, I heard him ranting and raving not too far from where I was. I peeked out of the enclosure and saw him pacing on a hill not too far from where I was. His ranting was pretty loud, but I can’t really remember what he was actually saying. I was afraid to exit the enclosure because he seemed so angry and I thought I might be in danger. I sat in the enclosure hoping he would go away, and I felt like he knew I was in there because he started raving about being watched. I decided to creep out slowly so that I could get a better look. It sounded like he was coming toward me so I started thinking about running away once I got out. I wasn’t certain I could restrain him by myself. Then I heard other voices. People had come to get him and try to help him. I came out of the enclosure and a few people were around. I kept my distance but watched them try and talk to him. Eventually there was a crowd of ten or so people trying to talk him down. He would pace around them. I stayed with the group, but every time he got me, I would move away. Some people I recognized from elementary school were there–HM and CB. I think CB, who was always overweight, was planning to sit on him until someone could come.

The dream skipped on from that point and we were all inside. It seemed like some kind of party or gathering. There were snacks–cupcakes and such, but the mood was somber. A guy from the newspaper had taken lots of pictures and was writing a story about the psychotic guy. Someone from administration found out that he’d posted his story to the school website and was infuriated, because apparently they wanted to cover the whole thing up. There seemed to be a race, where a few of us went to preserve the data off the computer, while the principal went to a master computer to delete everything. I don’t know who won out in the end.

I also had a small snippet where there was a car race on part of the track–but not real car, toy car. I had this little Batmobile that apparently could run on its own somehow. I joined the race at the last minute and ended up winning, though I never actually saw any other cars. The prize was to eat yellow gummy worms off the track. I had beaten my little brother in the race, but he came in second, so he got to eat lots of worms too. I made sure to save plenty for him. The gummy worms tasted good, but they were alive, which eventually turned me off to them, because I thought it was cruel to kill something by chewing it up.

My final dream in involved work. D had to leave–some problem at home. She ranted for a bit about how our boss gives people a hard time for calling out and then left. My boss was going to come in and cover for her. We had a lot of large orders to do–big orders for bulk coffee for events and such. At one point Starbuck from BSG was there. She had been working, but she’d taken off her pants and peeled all these scabs off of wounds from her legs, and she didn’t want to work because she was in pain. I felt bad for her but I also wished she could work because we were really behind. That part of the dream devolved into us comparing skateboards. Hers was all beat up and low to the ground because she didn’t have risers and her wheels were all busted up. But we had the same deck, and I remember thinking that it was really cool that we had the same deck, because it was almost 20 years old.

And that’s it. All hail sleeping in the bedroom! Back to serious work on finding green arrows.

Dream Journal 2/26

For two days in a row now I’m not remembering much. I had a few bits a pieces from last night though. It was a dream in which I was taking a test–some kind of written thing. The significance of the test escapes me completely. But I had done much of it, and I had more to do at home at my own pace. In the dream I had concerns about whether or not I’d finish it. I didn’t want to touch the thing, but I knew I had to. I also remember a completely filthy toilet that had black and brown slime all over it, but I’m not sure what role it played. I did wake up needing to pee quite badly, so perhaps that’s why the toilet popped up. There was also a point where I was going back to work for an old boss, but I can’t rememeber the details surrounding that.

Again, no arrow that I can remember, perhaps as a consequence of not remembering the dreams very well. I’m hoping this resolves when we move back into the bedroom.

Motionlessness

Well, I’m doing quite well with the motionlessness, with the exception of one thing. My body occasionally spasms. My foot will jerk or my thumb or something. I’m wondering if this is acceptable motion because it is completely involuntary. I have had sessions without spasms, so I know it can be done, but yesterday for example, my foot jerked pretty close to when I had laid down. I also wonder at the source of these involuntary movements. What causes muscles to contract like that at random? I might try a few quick relaxation techniques before starting the clock to see if I can eliminate these involuntary movements.

Dream Journal 2/24

The only dream I can remember centered around Batman. I was training to become one of his assistants as was one other person. I can’t remember many of the details, but he was teaching us things–not really about fighting but about how the bat cave worked, and how to order food for takeout. Unfortunately, my memory of it sucks. The part I remember most was being in line at a restaurant. It was a barbecue place–takeout only. He said not to order chicken. I wanted chicken, but I happened to have a piece of barbecued chicken in my pocket so I at that and ordered something else. He seemed pleased by this. In the end, I think he ended up ordering three chickens for us to share, and when we left we seemed to be in quite a hurry. That’s all I can really remember.

Dream Journal 2/23

Had a couple last night, both horrible. The first started out okay. T and I were at the beach house with her family. We were all returning from somewhere–a dinner out I think. T whispered to me that she was pregnant again and wanted to tell her family. The whole “again” thing was odd because she’d never been pregnant before, but I guess in the dream we had a kid somewhere. At the same time this was happening, I was concerned because there was a cat in the house that had had kittens. I wanted to make sure she’d been put in the box with the kittens so that she could nurse them properly. T told me not to worry. By this time, I wondered how she’d gotten pregnant, but I didn’t want to ask her in front of the family. She told them all she was pregnant and everyone was excited. We went to our bedroom and I asked her how she’d gotten pregnant. She looked upset, and I started to get nervous. She told me that she’d been raped in a stairwell at work one day. I flew into a rage and broke the sliding glass door, a lamp, and the wall. She said she considered reporting him, but didn’t want to lose her job. I told her not to worry–I would kill him for her. I woke up quite disturbed obviously, and spend awhile in a semi-conscious state reviewing conversations I’d had with an ex-marine/criminal justice major about how to get away with murder. I made my check list for before and after in my head, and I had a semi-lucid dream about buying my gun, using a file inside the barrel to muck with ballistics tests post-crime. Revenge is an ugly, but motivating, thing.

I fell back into full sleep again and dreamt that I was in a house with someone’s family when a home invasion took place. There were two robbers who were taking stuff and trashing the place. Some of them wanted to rape a kid that was there. She was probably in middle school, maybe high school. At any rate, they did not succeed. Somehow I ended up being the lawyer for the girl, which is odd, because usually the state would prosecute something like that. Anyway, I had one strange sequence where I was to meet with her, but I had to jog to my meeting for some reason. Also, it turned out I was still in high school because I had a class I had to go to that happened to be about the law and rape cases. I remember being required to define all the different terms associated with rape–rape, sexual assault, sexual battery, forced sodomy etc. I also remember being nervous about being the girl’s lawyer, because I was in high school and didn’t have a law degree.

Dream Journal 2/22

Last night I had a long dream involving my favorite singer, S. P will know who I’m talking about here. It started out at some party that she was attending in a hotel. It seemed at some points to be a party for her, but at other times it seemed like a party in conjunction with a big convention of some kind. I saw her and went up to her to say hello. We got to chatting a bit–just small talk. Eventually she went away to talk to someone else. Later at the same party I had my sister with me, but she was just a baby. I wanted to show her to S, so I found her and introduced her to my baby sister. S made little googley eyes at her for a bit. It was pretty cute actually. I handed my sister off to someone–I think it was my mom actually, but I never saw either of them again for the rest of the party. A show was about to start on a small stage, so S and I sat down and we ended up next to each other. I told her about the first time I saw a picture of her back when I was 12 and about hearing her music for the first time. I told her I had every song she’d ever recorded on my mp3 player. She laughed and didn’t beleive me. She said, “That’s a lot of songs.” So I showed her. She was surprised and pleased. The party was really loud so she asked me if I wanted to leave the party with her and go somewhere more quiet. I agreed and we went up to my hotel room which I was sharing with two other people–my mom and someone else. We sat on the bed for awhile chatting again. I told her it was wierd that she was in my hotel room. She agreed. We ended up in the bathroom somehow. She kissed me and asked me when my roommates would be coming back. I said at any time. She said she wanted to do things to me that would require privacy. We went to this room that was connected to my hotel room. It was basically another bathroom because there was a shower in it. But it was pretty large and had carpeting. We ended up getting in the shower together and I remember being a little afraid, because she’s 50 years old, and I had no idea what a 50 year old would look like naked. But it turned out to not be much different than what a 40 year old looks like–she was extremely hot, and then instead of being afraid of what she would look like, I became extremely self-conscious. In the shower there was just a lot of kissing and that kind of thing–we were both revved up, but then my mom came back and neither of us felt comfortable there, even though we knew my mom wouldn’t find us. We ended up leaving through another door before we could do anything. She said we should get a hotel room for the night. I asked if she had a room and she said she did, but that her husband was there. We called the hotel from a pay phone instead of going to the desk and they said a room would be $65,000. We called another hotel and the room was only $250. It was some kind of economy room, but we agreed it would be fine. We went to the other hotel and up to the room and it turned out to be an outcropping on the outside of the building. It was concrete and had no walls. We were disgusted and got our money back. At this point we were feeling a little helpless–nothing seemed to be working out. At this point, I’m not sure what happened, but we ended up in a room with a single bed. Somehow a bunch of her stuff was in there and she had all these pictures of friends and stuff. I looked at all of them. She already had pictures of the party we’d been to, so there were pictures of me and her in the stack–one of them was of me and her, and she was holding my little sister. Then we started kissing again, and proceeded on to all the fun things one does in a dream about sex.

There was a part in there at some point where a lot of people were around us, but not at the party, but I don’t remember that part very well or when it happened.

Dream Journal 2/21

So I think I’ve figured out what is screwing up my dreaming lately. Our house is cold in the winter, living in Massachusetts, but particularly cold in the bedroom, where it’s a full ten degrees cooler than the rest of the house. We’ve been camping out on the futon in the living room where it’s nice and toasty. Temperature-wise it’s nice, but not as cozy as the bed. At any rate, this might be part of the problem with remembering dreams. Maybe not, but my difficulty remembering them in as much detail as before coincides with sleeping in the living room. I’ll see what happens when I get back to the bedroom.

On to last night’s dreams which are vague again. I remember participating in some kind of war games. They were set at sea and I was on a boat that was docked or anchored near the shore. It was an older boat–a galleon or maybe a frigate, though I don’t remember the ship having guns. Anyway, there was a lot of sparring going on inside the boat–I don’t know why that would be, but people were running around knocking each other down and throwing each other overboard. At one point I threw the Captain overboard who happened to be William Adama. He, along with most of the crew, seemed amused by this. Later on, I had a chance to use huge mounted guns along the shore to fire at targets out in the water. Normally in dreams I’m a pretty good shot, but in this case I hit nothing. Oh well….

Dream Journal 2/20 + roundup

I’ve been skipping the dream journal for a couple of days because I didn’t remember much, but as the day went by on both Sunday and Monday I remembered some stuff, so here are a few notes.

Sunday: I remembered an odd scenario where people were in an extremely hot room–so hot in fact that people were turning bright red all over their bodies. The only way to survive was to stand next to this person who wasn’t affected. I don’t know who he was–he stood in the middle of the room. After standing near him, you could roam about for awhile without burning up, but after a little while you had to come back and stand next to him.

Monday: The only thing I remember is seeing a large green neon arrow. It was about three feet high, and it was all beat up. It was pointing upward and blinking. This is my first green arrow in awhile.

Last night: I dreamt I was trying to buy a watch. The first time I went to the watch store it was closed. I looked inside and it was much larger inside than out. And the store carried all kinds of electronics, not just watches. T had gone somewhere else to pick something up, and we were to meet, so I was slow to leave. As I was getting in the car, the people who worked at the watch shop returned from lunch and opened the store back up. I told the guy I wanted to buy a watch, but I’d also left one to have a battery installed, which he gave me. He said he would help me find a watch. He seemed very friendly and it seemed that he really wanted to find me the right watch. I remember thinking that he must be on commission. He led me through the store, which was really quite huge on the inside, like a warehouse. We stopped at some computers, which other customers were looking at and trying out. I didn’t realize at first that he wasn’t showing me watches. When T came in to meet me, I snapped out of it and realized that we were looking at computers. I asked him why he hadn’t shown me watches and he took the one I’d had repaired out of my hand (which, by the way, was basically my jogging watch, but with a silver metal band) and just looked at it and gave it back to me, as if to say, “You don’t need a watch.” I was annoyed by this, because, after all, who was he to tell me I didn’t need a different watch. We decided to leave but I had to stand in line to pay for my battery.

The other dream I remember is only vague. All I know is that I was the home of a childhood friend JP and I was looking for a place to ride my skateboard. He had a half pipe in his yard, but I wasn’t sure if he was home. It turned out his brother J was there, who I also knew very well. We hung out for a bit, and all during our time together, I kept thinking about other ramps I’d been to and wondering if they were still there. There may have been a bit where his sister appeared too, but I don’t remember the details.

Dream Journal 2/17

I remember a couple of dreams, although they’re quite disjointed. The first I only remember bits of. It seemed I was in some kind of expedition, and our group was in some sort of strange land that had features of moutains and desert but also had pockets of water and places with lots of vegetation. I don’t remember very well what was happening there, but I remember at some point needing to go into the water. Or maybe not even go into it, but there was something about the water, which seemed to be in a pool under a large cliff. I don’t remember much more than that. My next dream was about training for a race. T and I had signed up and we had to do a three mile run to get started. We started out running together, and we were both worried that we hadn’t prepared well enough. I wasn’t too worried about my own performance because I like running. But I was worried about T because she hates to run. The course was a strange mixture of outdoor environments–wooded areas, caves, fields. And there were parts of it indoors as well. Something happened where T and I were separated–I don’t know if I fell or if she was just running faster than me, but she got ahead. I completely lost sight of her. In the end, she finished well before me. I have decided to take this as an indication it’s time to start running again, even though it’s 2 degrees out. That’s why they make the good old YMCA, right?

My next dream started with the Olympics. T was going to be competing for a medal in tennis. We had living quarters set up in a big warehouse along with a bunch of other people, who I guess were also olympians or related to olympians. Our area was quite small and had only three walls. Across from our space was a large storage area that was filled with broken down boxes. There was some feeling among everyone there that these boxes were prohibited. At one point a stack fell down and I discussed the possiblitly of getting in trouble for having them with one of my neighbors, who was on the other side of the boxes, so I couldn’t see her very well.

T said she had to go catch the bus to the stadium and left with her tennis racket. I wished her luck. It seemed perfectly natural in the dream that I wouldn’t go to watch her play, but upon waking that seems ridiculous. When she came back she was in tears because someone had told her to get on the wrong bus and she’d missed her chance to play Serena Williams and get a gold medal. I felt SO horrible for her. In dreams, sometimes it seems like emotion can become so strong, and this was a case where I felt like I was drowning in sorrow for her. She also had a clear plastic bag with four or five small red and blue tennis balls. These were tennis balls she’d ordered to put on the legs of her kids’ desks at schools so they could rearrange their desks without making a lot of noise. She was also sad because she realized the balls were too small for what she wanted to use them for. I made us a huge dish of vanilla ice cream with cut up ice cream sandwiches in it, which cheered her up a bit.

Then the dream shifted and T was some sort of magickal being who could fly and dish out justice. We were looking for a terrorist of some kind, and she thought she’d found him. He was in a small building sitting at a desk. She had me open the front door, which I thought I was doing so that she could get a better look. I knew the guy at the desk wasn’t the guy we were looking for. As soon as I opened the door, fire flooded the room and burnt the guy up. I realized that he was Spider Jerusalem and told T that she’d killed a journalist. She felt horrible about it. We went from there to a house which was supposed to be my mom’s house but looked nothing like it. It was apparent my step-brother was lurking around somewhere, but we hadn’t seen him. There was mention of a poodle, but I don’t know who mentioned the poodle. T and I migrated through rooms in the house and ended up in the basement sitting on the bottom of a set of bunk beds. We were talking quietly when my step-brother (a child molester and later on in life a rapist at least once) came out of a room we hadn’t seen the door to. The room he’d come out of was bright. Inside was a bed with four blond-haired little boys sitting on it. Two were playing video games and the other’s were watching. My step-brother asked if we’d seen his poodle, and we said we hadn’t. Then he pulled a poodle down of the top bunk and turned to go back into the other room. He said he was going to fuck the poodle. After he closed the door I went upstairs (T was gone) and tried to figure out what to do. I couldn’t think of a reason he’d have all those little boys in there–and it seemed like there was another adult in the bed with him–a naked man, and I couldn’t imagine they were doing anything else than fucking those little kids. I found the mother of one of my friends in elementary school and told her what I’d seen. I said I wanted to call the police but wasn’t sure there was enough evidence to get him arrested. We asked her little son if he’d ever seen anything suspcious and he went to the calendar and started writing the names of all the boys my step-brother had molested on the dates it had happened. I left to call the police, and as I was leaving the mother said, “You didn’t ask him if it happend to him,” referring to her son. I said that I didn’t think it was my place. She knelt down next to her son and started to ask him if my step brother had ever raped him. I got these horrible shivers over my whole body and woke up.